It's a small crime ...

I very rarely involve myself in this kind of discussion anymore these days, but I am going to break my self-made rule for now ... because, for whatever reason, I think it is important for these things to be put out into the open. As a general race of people, we are declining, we are dishonest, we are losing our faith, we are letting the good sides of ourselves win over the bad ...

I can't (and won't) get into details about the specific, isolated cause of this rant. It isn't about the overall decline I mentioned, but about a small facet of the decline. The details are not my business to air. All I will say to preface is that I found out last night that a male friend of mine is living a double life with two other girls who are also friends of mine (varying levels and lengths of friendship) ... both of which are unaware of the other. Both of which are amazing people!

My problem with all of this should be obvious, and is that ... I freaking cannot stand guys who do this kind of thing to women!! GREAT, AMAZING, WONDERFUL women!!! Friend or not, I can't stomach it. I try not to internalize it, as it is not me in the situation (for once!), but it is so difficult for me to see this kind of behavior and not be affected by it. Ignoring it only makes it worse. We should all be more compassionate, as a general rule. Even though it is not me in this particular situation, it has been me in too many situations terribly similar in the past.

I couldn't sleep last night, I am so bothered. This kind of behavior ruins lives ... it damages people ... it breaks down parts of honest and caring and open people that take so long to repair. It destroys trust, and not only in that particular relationship, but for all relationships following. This kind of behavior makes me ill. No metaphor there. And the fact that it is one of my guy "friends" who is the root cause just tears me apart.

I have known too many men ... and, yes, I am definitely calling out men in this situation ... who cheat with no consequences and no real guilt. I'll just say it ... it's generally easier for men to cheat and to lie about it and have no real remorse for their actions than it is for women. There are exceptions to every rule, but seriously. Have I known women who have cheated? Sure. But I can with all honesty say that those women were either being cheated on (for years!), abused (physically and/or emotionally), or completely neglected (in every possible way) by the men they eventually reciprocated in action. I am, of course, not excusing it ... I'm just saying ... it seems to me that men will do it just to do it, while women will do it mainly when first-betrayed.

However, if you ask me about how many men I know who have cheated, first-offense, second-offense, every-single-time, in a supposedly "great" relationship, for no reason, because it was available, just to try it? Well, I can name the staggering majority of every, single man I have ever known. How horrible is that?! I can name almost all of my ex-boyfriends, save a few, who were truly kind to me in every way ... I can name family friends, acquaintances, and co-workers ... I can name many of my friends' ex-boyfriends, current boyfriends, and ex-husbands ... I can name ... and I can name ... and I can name. I won't, of course ... but I can!

How sad is that?! What is wrong with these people?!?! Seriously. And I won't hear anything about how, "Oh, the women encourage it by putting up with it, and should just leave." Because, really ... what for? To move on to the next cheater?! Sure, there are men who don't cheat. Alex doesn't cheat on me, and I can whole-heartedly assure that the men in my family are actually great guys (... maybe because of being raised around so many women who complained about philandering men all their lives).

And I certainly don't want to hear that it is the women's fault! Don't even go there with me. That is said by people who are incapable of admitting blame in any situation ... and always, always said by the truly guilty. You want a sure-fire way to know if someone has no morals, or is guilty a sin themselves ... you'll know when that gem comes flying out of their mouths. Don't blame anyone else, that's just bad business.

Now, don't get me wrong. I know there are good men out there! I know some, and truly believe that I am currently living with one of them. Because of these men, I know there are great ones out there! It's possible that some of them are actually the ones cloaking themselves as assholes with kind of behavior. But why?! What does it accomplish? Does it make them feel better? Does it validate some stupid insecurity they have? Are other people's feelings merely a game to them? I, for one, just flat-out don't get it. Seriously, I don't. I have had far too much experience in these cases to still be so clueless, and yet I am.

I applaud the good men who are left out there in the world, who are respectful and decent and kind to women ... who love wholly ... who may eyeball the menu from time to time, but always come home to eat. (Yeah, I said it.) I appreciate those men more than I can say, really, as do all of the good women out there. I fear those kind of men are dwindling at an enormously high rate, however. My problem is ... how do you weed them out in this huge mess of jerks? So many are so good at hiding it, lying about it. It's deflating, and I simply can't stand to see it.

I just had to get that out there. I understand finding other people attractive, I understand thinking other people are neat, I understand looking ... but I absolutely do not understand sampling, double-dipping, or diving in. Where is the loyalty?! It has been a peeve of mine for years and years and years ... a peeve that I have earned in spades. Most of the time, I try to ignore it, but when it is blatantly in my face, ignoring would be ignorant and impossible. I keep to my own, listen when I am needed, and I don't "rat people out" ... but maybe I should. Maybe we all should!

I know that if people around me had been more honest with me in my past, I might not have the stack of dusty trust issues I most assuredly, involuntarily, subconsciously carry over with me into even healthy situations now. And, for the love of Pete and everybody, if you do something like this ... come clean and apologize!!!! It's the least a cheater can do. At least give the other person closure. My girl friend will never have that ... she will have to create her own, just as I had to do in my past. Trust me, it's horrible.

Thankfully, I am lucky enough to have a man in my life now who will talk to me when I worry (completely irrationally, I might add), and tell me any time I need that he loves me, and wants to be with only me ... that he thinks I am the greatest girl he's ever known, and that my worries are unnecessary. I am thankful every, single day for him, and can only hope and pray that my friends will eventually be as lucky.

Because, in truth, I consider it a miracle that I have made it anywhere near here with the wake of baggage men like this "friend" of mine are leaving behind. Seeing one of my intelligent, hilarious, witty, beautiful, strong, fantastic friends last night, sitting in front of me, heart breaking, totally and utterly defeated ... a strong, sweet, kind, smart, mature, delightful woman ... defeated by a philandering ass-bastard ... was far too familiar ... and nearly more than I could take.