A promise is a promise is a promise ...
On the docket for discussion: work, school, family, love, life, projects, miscellaneous ...
First up - WORK!
I was offered a permanent certified sub job right before Christmas at a local high school. It was good news I needed right before the holiday to really kick back and enjoy myself without feeling like I should be sending a thousand more resumes, instead. The job is basically still substituting, but going to the same school every day. This is beneficial because you get an immediate pay increase, and you also go to the same school over and over, allowing you to get to know the students and staff much better than the sporadic, one day here, another there scenario of regular substituting. Unfortunately, even thought I am technically fully employed by the high school, I have not seen consistent results with working. The downfall is that there just isn't a need for a sub every, single day. In short, I still feel like I am sitting on my hands, doing nothing, wasting time, a lot of the time.
So, I have started "the resume game" again, sending out tons and tons of resumes, hoping for a significant bite. Among those are applications and resumes to schools who needs Special Ed Teacher Assistants. I have decided that being a full-time teacher for only the next 4 months would be pretty pointless, since will (hopefully) be starting my Masters in the fall (more on that in a sec). I never thought that working with special ed would be something I could, personally, do. I think it takes a very unique, awesome kind of person to work with special needs kids. I never thought I was one of them, but the more I think about it, the more I think I would feel completely and totally rewarded at the end of the day. So, as with most things these days, we shall see.
Patience, I have finally had to learned. ;)
Second on the list - SCHOOL!
My applications have been sent, and I am awaiting letters. I applied to only three programs, and I have no clue what the results will be. I did really well on the GRE, so I'm hoping my scores will win the boards over. My verbal was great, my math was average, but my writing was apparently perfect (literally ... highest score possible). As for decisions on where to go on the chance that I get accepted to all three ... who the heck knows?! I applied for Teaching Assistantships at each of the three colleges as well, so I suppose it would come down to where I could teach at the college level, get cheap(er) tuition, and ... you know ... be happy.
I hear that letters should start coming in at the end of February, and possibly be here as late as April or May. Lots of balls up in the air right now. No sense even trying to juggle them all until they start falling.
Third - FAMILY!
I've updated quite frequently on the fam. I haven't said much about my mom, sister, dad, and Norbs, though. I'll do that now.
My mom is still rockin' it at her alterations shop. She has more work than she knows what to do with, but I kinda think she likes it that way. I am constantly proud of how successful she has become, completely on her own. She's an amazing seamstress, and she has always worked hard ... she deserves all the benefits she can reap. I suggest all of you go into see her whenever you need. She *loves* it when I send people in. Ha!
My sister is back in school!!!! Hallelujah, and pass the banana pudding! She's "optimistic" about the prospects, and I couldn't be more excited for her. I miss her and love her immeasurably. The older she gets, the more I realize that we are each other's rocks. I need her, and she needs me. It's just that simple.
My dad is still living here in Austin. I see him about every 2 weeks. We keep trying to plan on a weekly Sunday lunch or dinner (much like I had back home), but for some reason, we can't seem to get our schedules together enough to make that happen consistently. It is nice to have him in the same city, though. We all need a familial touchstone from time to time.
Norbs ... ah, Norbs ... he is still just that! He cracks me up every, single minute that I am around him. Once you get used to his "way," he's charming as all heck. It took many years for him and I to really get along, but we have been in a father/daughter pattern for many, many years now. I appreciate it tremendously, as a girl can never have too many people looking out for her.
Fourth and counting - LOVE!
Alex and I are still living together, going strong for ... well, I don't keep count ... a year and a half now. "Life" has been stressful for both of us lately, and I fear some of that just naturally leaks into any relationship. I do try to keep my respective stresses separate from each other, though. Meaning, I try not to bring them "home." He does the same. I am not quite sure I would have made it through this past year without him ... this, I know. I also know that it is impossible to perfect any love. Perfection is boring. There are always going to be little quirks, which I think might make the particular pairing more unique and irreplaceable.
I will confess that I am somewhat worrisome right now about what happens when each of our letters start rolling in for school (him, Law ... me, Masters). To some extent, the particulars of what happens in the future are out of our hands. I like to know everything about what is going on at all times, so this is difficult for me. In the meantime, all we can do is support each other as much as possible and hope for the best.
Five is fine with me - LIFE!
It's tricky, that's for sure.
This past year has been enlightening in ways I am not sure I can quite comprehend just yet. I get the feeling I have taken a lot from my experiences, I am just not able to file them away in a coherent manner right this moment. Eventually, as with most things, time will reveal clarity.
What I can ascertain is that I've grown up a lot and learned more than I ever thought possible about ... so much ... but one thing I have not mastered handling with grace is taking it day to day. I still want certainties, and that is not usually reality. I keep thinking about this conversation years and years ago that lasted until the sun came up. In those hours, when time seemed to stand still for me in that car, I actually believed there were definites. I have realized since then that nothing is definite. You can do what you do for you, but it's not just you flying the plane. Even when the skies are beautiful and there is not a cloud in sight, it's not always a guarantee that the person sitting next to you will want to go in the same direction you go. I mean this in a more broad sense than it seems, really. I am speaking of most things in life. Nothing is just up to you. Nothing. It's such a horrifying and comforting feeling all at once.
I continue to work at letting go, of letting what will be, be. Something tells me this is a lifetime mission, and I accept it with hope and faith that there really are such things as rewards, and balance, and even the completely abstract, like true love.
Six will be quick - PROJECTS!
I've recovered our kitchen table chairs and made new throw pillows lately. I want to do more. I'm going to have to let my mom show me how to knit again. I can't remember any of it, whatsoever.
I also have made it my personal mission to read an insane amount of noteworthy books BEFORE I start my Masters ... hoping that it will relieve some of the stress once I get there, and somehow prepare me for the discussions and papers and thesis deliberations. We shall see.
I'm writing, but I seem to jinx myself out of finishing every time I talk about it. So, that's all I'll say for now ... I'm writing.
I'm looking into taking some classes online about photography, PowerPoint, Photoshop, and things of that nature in the next few months. ACC offers a lot of continuing education stuff, so I really need to look more closely into that.
Seven to close with - MISCELLANEOUS!
I'm worn out from the previous six, and can't, for the life of me think of one extra thing to include.
Oh, here's one, we went and saw Defiance last night at Alamo. It was a really good movie, but so sad to me. It was set in WWII, about a group of Jewish people who were literally running for their lives. Tore me up. I still can't believe all of that ever happened. So, incredibly sad.
We also saw Gran Torino last week, and loved it! It was nothing like I thought it would be, but that actually turned out to be a good thing.
I have no exciting music discoveries to speak of ... which is weird in and of itself. I am listening to the playlist I put together, though. I'll close with the song on now, because it seems fitting in an odd way.
"Years make everything alright, you fall on me for anything you like ... and I, no, I don't mind ..." - Keane
Fin.
