Bitter/Ugly

I keep meaning to post this story, but continually forget when I sit down to write. I fear it might be lost in translation (and without the ability to "inflect," but whatever). Even so, I'm writing it down today. Classic teaching moment ...


I was filling in for a 7/8 Grade English teacher a couple of weeks ago. The school is "on the bad side of town" and most of the kids are minorities. A rough school for sure, but you discover fairly quickly that the kids there are so, so, so great if you have a chance to really talk to them and get to know them a little bit ... apart from their violent and seemingly destructive behavior (most are on probation at the age of 13 or so).

(Must not get on my soapbox about these kids and the conditions in which they have had to grow up and experience! Later ... much later.)

Anyhow, I was in the same classroom for 2 days, in which the regular teacher had left absolutely no lesson plans, meaning I had to make something up spur-of-the-moment for what the school calls "advisory." Since kids had been learning about character development, theme, and plot, I had them read a book of their choice independently for about 30 minutes, then write a summary including ... you guessed it! ... character analysis, theme, and plot.

While it took most of the students the majority of the class period to finish this assignment, about 3 of them finished way ahead of the rest. These 3 asked if they could work on a crossword puzzle together in one of the monthly educational magazines they use for supplementary assignments from time to time. Since they weren't asking to run around the halls with their hair on fire, and, instead, asking if they could complete something of merit ... of course, I said yes.

With about 20 minutes or so left for that particular class, then entire class was done with the reading portion of the day, the 3 aforementioned students were sitting in the far corner of the room together, barely even whispering about the crossword as they worked, while the rest of the class was very quietly writing their summaries, and I was walking around the room answering questions for those who needed help ...

Without warning, in bursts a "lead teacher," slamming the door open, stomping into the classroom with wild eyes and unruly hair, hollering at the kids to "GET TO WORK!!!!!" Thundering to the front of the room, she screams at me ... "What do you have these kids doing? What are they working on? Why are those three sitting over there? What is going on in this classroom?!?!?!"

Mind you, NONE of the kids had been talking, save the 3 in the corner, who I could so very barely hear from a mere 2 desks over ... and ALL of them were busy working on their assignment when she came barreling into the room like a much taller and more unkempt, yet equally as off-putting and bitchy, version of Ms. Umbridge from Harry Potter.

Stunned, yet composed, I politely answered her questions, explained the lack of lesson plans left for the day, told her my emergency assignment, expressed the reasons for the kids in the corner working on a crossword together, and told her the students were actually behaving amazingly well, were delightful, and that I was doing my job to down to the very last detail.

To this response, she huffed (audibly), spun on her heel, and tore out of the classroom, telling 5 or so kids, who were sitting down ... to "pull up their pants and tuck in their shirts immediately." (The pants were being sat on ... with no butts hanging out ... and it is school dress code to tuck in shirts, which I check every period of every day as they walk in the door ... so nothing was awry, and her outburst was absolutely unwarranted.)

As she slammed the door behind her ('don't let it hit you in the ass on the way out'), all of the kids, as well as myself, looked as though we had been sucker-punched across the face. All 25 or so pairs of eyes were staring at me for some sign of an appropriate reaction to follow, and I was still too in shock from being reamed for absolutely nothing to blink, much less speak.

After about a full minute of silence (long one in that situation) with everyone kind of oddly staring at each other, one of the timid little girls in the front said, "She's like all the time. No one likes her. Not even the other teachers." I nodded and asked to the entire class, "I mean ... ... ... seriously ... ... ... what's wrong with her?!"

A very quick and witty boy in the back of the class immediately responded very matter-of-factly, "She bitter 'cause she ugly."

25 or so kids froze with saucer-sized eyes ...

And I literally fell over laughing! Then it was a like a hysterical chain reaction. The boy who made the comment started to chuckle really deeply and loudly, then the rest of the class positively burst! I snorted, I cried, we laughed and laughed and laughed. It was like that horribly inappropriate moment where you are definitely not supposed to even crack a smile, but simply cannot contain yourself in even the most slightly controlled way. And it just got worse and worse and worse, until we were ALL snorting and crying and falling over. None of us, including myself, regained control until the bell about ten minutes later.

I wish I had a recording of his face, his voice, and overall demeanor when he said that ... "She bitter 'cause she ugly." Oh ... it was so great! By leaps and bounds my favorite moment in teaching so far.

Whooooosh!

It's crazy what shortening a month by a mere 2 or 3 days will do to the brain. February being only 28 days really screws with me for some reason. I feel like March has started on stolen time, or something.

Ah, well ...

This month should be a good one! Spring Break occurs in a couple of weeks, and Alex and I have big plans for long-vacationing. We are working through the details this evening, so I'll give the whole skinny later.

A little taste? Skiing ... on the snow ...

Should be interesting ... for me, anyway ... he learned when he was 4 years old, or some-such ridiculous fact like that. I, on the other hand, have only been skiing once ... and it was mainly done on my ass.

List-mania

I have "off" today, but it always feels to me like I have more to do when I'm not at work than when I am. I am a highly devout 'List Person' ... I think it might run in the family. My grandma made lists out the wazoo (some of which we still have), and my Aunt Kay is big on them, too. Of course, my mom has many going at any given time, and don't even get me started on Norbert and his lists ...

Today, I'm trying to combine about 4 To-Do's that I have accumulated over the past week. The first is "Taking Care of Bid-ness" for school and teaching and volunteering. That would be my first priority. The second is "Leftovers" from what I failed to remember earlier this week at the store. Things like mushrooms, bacon, toothpaste, coffee, hand soap, with an added dessert for tonight. (We usually treat ourselves once every couple of weeks.) The third is "Around the House," which involves laundry and changing out my winter clothes to my spring clothes in the closet. The final list is "Fun Stuff" like renting some movies for the weekend, starting on the insanely large puzzle I bought for us recently (over 1000 pieces; I was feeling overly ambitious that day), and going to the fabric store to buy the necessary notions for the first shirt I will make (hopefully) soon without supervision.

Most likely, I'll take care of all of pressing business before lunch, meet my dad at The Drafthouse to have lunch and see The Wrestler, then run to the store and pick up some movies on my way back home in time to meet Alex after work. The closet can wait (even though it's been 90 degrees here all week and I still have sweaters hanging on my side of the closet), the puzzle is more fun when I have a parter in frustration, I'm still a little intimidated by the sewing alone thing (worried I'm going to jam something), and I'm holding off on laundry until Alex can switch out the dryer plug (long story) tomorrow.

You see what I've done here ... I've just created another list of my lists. There has to be some sort of 12 step program for this kind of thing.

My guess is ...

I am filling in for a teacher with the last name Waffle today ... next door is Mr. Peacock ... and across the hall is Ms. Brown. I couldn't make this up if I tried. I'm smack in the middle of Clue!!!

Up-down, we go again.

Things have gotten wild with school decisions. Generally speaking, I'm not all that incredibly "busy" these days, but by way of HUGE life choices, I've never been more overwhelmed and busy in my life!

I keep trying to tell myself that it will all work out for the best ... life is unfolding as it should ... and that everything happens for a reason ...

But, seriously, sometimes it is really, really difficult to not get totally stressed out with decision-making. Especially when parts of the puzzle are still waiting to reveal themselves and fall into place.

I've been talking to colleges now that all of my applications are in, and just when I think it is out of my hands, another big question arises.

I will elaborate more once I have all of the information I need. It basically comes down to which path I want to follow ... and, of course, there is the ever-present notion that I am definitely not the only person to consider in all of this.

Another month or so ... that's all the comfort I can allow. We will know in another month or so. Just have put a little faith in the unknown ...

Take your cautionary tales ...

... take your incremental gain ... and all the sycophantic games ... and throw 'em all away ...

I seriously can't watch the news! It's all so damn depressing, so drama ... all it does is anger me.

I mean, I get it ... that's what sells and all, but geez, Louise! It's all "the economy is in the hole, everyone is corrupt, people are dying, this person got murdered, that person got robbed ..." Uuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhh!

I'll tell you what really torcs my drawers is that loony toon, Casey Anthony. Some people are downright sick, sick, sick!

I knew there was a reason I somehow found myself leaving the room around news times. Now, however, it's on ALL THE TIME. People need to know what's going on, and I understand ... but, really, most of it is so twisted, what can anyone believe?

News at 5: we're screwed, and all going to hell in a handbasket. Awesome ... just what I wanted to hear morning, noon, and night ...

When you hear this song ...

... and you sing along, well you'll never tell ... and you're the fool, I'm just as well ... hope it gives you hell ...

I have that song stuck in my head something terrible! It's one of the kids at school that got me hooked on it. During some classes, I let them listen to their iPods. I know, I know! I'm not "supposed to," but a lot of them work so much better with some music streaming. Plus, it keeps them quiet, which is really the biggest goal in classroom management ... let's face it.

Speaking of "my kids" at school ... 2 of them (so far) have decided to use me as the subject for their current projects in Art & Graphic Design. I have NO CLUE how they created these in Photoshop (maybe Adobe?), but I think both are neat, neat, NEAT! How talented are some of these kids with technology?! Seriously. It blows my mind.









But, really ... I am amazed by how much more advanced the young'uns (even 7 or so years younger) are with computers. I have a hard enough time getting my digital photos INTO the computer ... much less CREATING a mock-photo with the paint tool in an application! What the ... ?! I do have this class for at least a few more days, though ... so maybe I can worm my way into having one of the kids show me a few, very simple tricks.

Yes ... that is one lovely perk of working with computer classes ... I can also be on the computer! It's beautiful.

Two hours and counting ...